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time keeps pushing me on now.

and i'll ride this wave till the end.

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i tried to say i'd be there.
dinosaur roar

today - sucked. i feel like my head is in a bubble, or i'm in a tunnel, or some strange combination of the two. all loud sounds are amplified times a million (i was dying in the cafeteria today) - but if someone up close is talking to me i cannot hear them. i can barely hear myself talk; i can just feel the vibration in my throat. it's way weird.

we got a new song today in band. and i don't have a part. lori said, "you can play bass drum." and i said, "i'm not playing bass drum - i play castanets and maracas on a song, it's someone else's turn to have some of the crap parts." so jordan said he'd play it, and i thought he was playing mallets but it turns out there is no mallet part at all! errr.

i was absolutely livid while i sat there for 45 minutes today in band doing nothing. i think if i had driven my car to school i would've gone home right then and there. immature and rash, yes, but i was just that pissed. i am not in band to play accessories or nothing at all. ryan and lori shouldn't be picking parts over the three senior percussionists. no other instruments have to fight over parts every time a new song is handed out. i think it is almost more fair when mr. wise just assigns us parts: at least that evens out the number of mallet/snare/timpani/accessory parts everyone has.

i give up.

and then all i heard about today about jeff's party was how people were talking bad about me. people i don't talk to or associate with ever. well guess what, i DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. what, my skirt too short for you? you wish you looked half as good as me. oh, poor baby wants to quit band, you say? i could wipe my ass with your miniscule amount of musical talent. does my nose ring gross you out? too damn bad - it's my face, not yours.

and badger badger badger badger mushroom. i wanted to strangle about eight people.

i crossed my name off the list at work last night because i couldn't figure out why on earth i had requested sat, february 14th off. duh - sheltered has a gig! too late now, i suppose. oops. i will try thursday when i go in.

college stuff: tomorrow night i have an interview with yale. yikes!!! february 6-7th i am going up to MSU to take the ADS test. and february 16th i am going with my mom back down to st. louis college of pharmacy for financial aid day.

am i the only one still toying with this many colleges this late in the game?!


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dont worry about those silly butt-fucks. you wont have to see any of them in a few months. plus they're all hypocrits. every single one of them. Not to mention, I was talked about and ridiculed. And I went to the party. Right in front of my god damn face. And no I'm not talking about Conor teasing me, I mean true bitchfest. But whatever. At least I can sleep at night

awww, i am so sorry for your sucky day. if it makes you feel any better i'm sure that i am in the same boat with you, college wise. i still have 2 more applications to mail in (i just have to finish a supplement), which are both due feb 1. so yeah i know i really do wait till the last minute. and i have not heard from a single school. hope this puts you in a better mood :)

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