January 26th, 2004

dinosaur roar

i tried to say i'd be there.

today - sucked. i feel like my head is in a bubble, or i'm in a tunnel, or some strange combination of the two. all loud sounds are amplified times a million (i was dying in the cafeteria today) - but if someone up close is talking to me i cannot hear them. i can barely hear myself talk; i can just feel the vibration in my throat. it's way weird.

we got a new song today in band. and i don't have a part. lori said, "you can play bass drum." and i said, "i'm not playing bass drum - i play castanets and maracas on a song, it's someone else's turn to have some of the crap parts." so jordan said he'd play it, and i thought he was playing mallets but it turns out there is no mallet part at all! errr.

i was absolutely livid while i sat there for 45 minutes today in band doing nothing. i think if i had driven my car to school i would've gone home right then and there. immature and rash, yes, but i was just that pissed. i am not in band to play accessories or nothing at all. ryan and lori shouldn't be picking parts over the three senior percussionists. no other instruments have to fight over parts every time a new song is handed out. i think it is almost more fair when mr. wise just assigns us parts: at least that evens out the number of mallet/snare/timpani/accessory parts everyone has.

i give up.

and then all i heard about today about jeff's party was how people were talking bad about me. people i don't talk to or associate with ever. well guess what, i DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. what, my skirt too short for you? you wish you looked half as good as me. oh, poor baby wants to quit band, you say? i could wipe my ass with your miniscule amount of musical talent. does my nose ring gross you out? too damn bad - it's my face, not yours.

and badger badger badger badger mushroom. i wanted to strangle about eight people.

i crossed my name off the list at work last night because i couldn't figure out why on earth i had requested sat, february 14th off. duh - sheltered has a gig! too late now, i suppose. oops. i will try thursday when i go in.

college stuff: tomorrow night i have an interview with yale. yikes!!! february 6-7th i am going up to MSU to take the ADS test. and february 16th i am going with my mom back down to st. louis college of pharmacy for financial aid day.

am i the only one still toying with this many colleges this late in the game?!

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dinosaur roar

you were not the same after that.

my apologies for the last entry. i am not usually an angry/hateful person. at all. i am usually just kind of ... there.

and like mike [sort of] pointed out the other day, my AIM profiles are always sad. i tried to explain that i think that any amount of sadness in me is always channeled there, through snippets of old conversations or song lyrics that have no real relevance, except to how i used to feel.

so, how 'bout the past?

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dinosaur roar

help us put the 'ass' in vassar!

i just finished scoping out a couple college communities, including michiganstate and ivy_leaguers. i learned that yale rejected 39% of the early action applicants. they also deferred many others, including those with MUCH higher GPAs/class rankings/test scores than mine. then i found

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it helped me feel slightly better :)

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